I recently wanted to attempt meditation again. I have already tried getting into a habit of regular meditation sessions many times before this. However, as always, even this time, I couldn’t go through the sessions for any significant duration of time. I can’t seem to understand what I am missing.
Maybe my mind is just not wired to be able to get something out of the process. Or maybe my surrounding, my current lifestyle is too chaotic to lend me space, the time to meditate. Thoughts always rush into my mind. From work. From home. From things done well. From things not yet done. I would never get into the zone where I am listening to my breathing. Maybe I am just too distracted within.
And the fact that meditation can probably help me overcome that inattention is also why it is even more frustrating that I can’t appreciate this practice. I have heard many people claim how meditation calms their mind. Get the clarity of thoughts. Focus. So I feel this can help me be not this distracted. But then while I am meditating, I feel helpless to control how my mind wanders around.
I have tried multiple apps. I have tried guided sessions. Nothing seems to help. At times, I am even judging the voice that guides me. And I just sigh in disappointment.
I had heard CGP Grey talk about a similar experience in one of the episodes of Hello Internet where he just can’t get himself to meditate.
I gave meditation a real try. It’s not that I hate it. It’s not that it’s hard. It’s just that my brain does not want to do this. It’s really pushing back.
I was nodding incessantly as Grey spoke about his frustration of not being able to appreciate the benefits of meditation. I feel equally frustrated when I hear someone talk about how the sessions leave them more mindful, more relaxed. It just doesn’t do it for me.