“Self-discipline is overrated. I should do what makes me feel good.”

“Just doing what makes me feel good makes me lazy. I need self-discipline.”

These are the two extremes I hop between. I would love to be in the middle somewhere. Self-disciplined enough not to be lazy, yet allow myself space to do what I love. Is attaining such a balance a myth? And what do I love? What does make me feel good?

Is it anything that’s frictionless or passive, like watching TV or clicking through YouTube recommendations? Or is it something that lends me a hollow feeling of achievement? Like reading random “intelligent” posts that I have no interest in? It must be neither. It is both.

Irrespective of which extreme I find myself at, I subconsciously judge how I spend my free time. It can’t be healthy. But I haven’t yet mastered the way not to be self-judgemental.

Here’s what I want to achieve. Be self-disciplined. To do things that keep me void of any guilt. But shouldn’t those be the things that make me feel good? As a result, won’t self-discipline make me lazy?